Team 136 - Game 1 - Michigan vs Utah
/Cautious Optimism
Watching Michigan football over the last decade has been rough … yeah I know, that’s like calling Triumph the Insult Dog mildly offensive. Call it what you will, it’s been brutal. The program has gone 46 and 42 under two different head coaches since Lloyd Carr coached his final game that New Year’s Day in 2008, and Big Blue’s status among college-football’s elite has dwindled.
Yes, there have been high points – like Denard’s ridiculous back-to-back performances against the Golden Domers (that last 1:41 at the Big House in 2011 will go down in Big Blue gridiron lore). But by and large it’s been a shitshow steeped in a clusterfuck, all wrapped inside a trainwreck – yeah, it’s been bad … and not like “Starbucks is out of Madagascar Cinnamon” bad, where you can deal and move on, but like “an ocean liner captained by an animated mouse” bad, where you’re trapped and can’t get out.
That’s right, Captain Go Blue and the family set out on a 7-day Disney Magic journey through the Mediterranean Sea last month with expectations of over-intensified glory for the children and mostly misery for the adults … and it lived up to the hype. I know many people laid the lumber on whether we’d actually do it, but we did, and it was non-stop Zippity-Fucking-Doo-Dah for seven days aboard the Disney Magic.
It’s designed for kids, and Disney does do kids well – yes, I appreciated dropping my kids at some “club” that had nearly every mind-damaging Disney show looping on the various big screens, and I guess the always-available soft-serve station serves the overweight, sad-sack Disney-infatuated global population well. But the demographic is gross, the food is almost as gross and the fact that people wait in line for hours for a picture with Goofy is nothing short of sad commentary about the state of humankind. As for this Go Blue family, let’s just say the odds of us finding ourselves aboard another mouse-operated vessel are about as good as the chances that we’ll see Kanye assume the position in the Oval Office anytime soon – I mean, really … the next time he exceeds thirty seconds on the mic at an awards show, someone needs to pull out the old-fashioned clothes-line and yank his ass off stage … um, you’re not Bono ... or T-Swift (yup, put my Dad-of-the-Year Application in last week for taking the two older kids to see her overblown Staples Center production ... so annoying, but I have respect and the message is genuine ... but the fact that Staples Center hung a fucking banner twice the size of any Lakers cloth to celebrate her record-sell-out run is ridonkulous). Again, I digress … and it feels so good!
And if the lack of talent on the field wasn’t enough, the executive powers that be decided it was time for Athletic Director Dave Brandon to vacate Schembechler Hall. An experienced corporate type who had served as a Regent for the University prior to taking on the AD role, Brandon had a vision of how to elevate Michigan Athletics across the board – from facilities to infrastructure, from resources to strategy. He laid a strong foundation for the future of M Go Blue, and those of us who got to know him over his few years in office have no doubt that he was full of good intentions and wanted nothing but success for Michigan sports. But he wasn’t given the runway to see his plan to fruition, as his lack of success on the gridiron and his never-ending need for more dollars to pursue his vision was a bad combination, and the higher-ups got impatient and cut the cord, bringing chaos to the department and even greater uncertainty to the state of Michigan Athletics. The three-year experiment of putting a successful business type in the UM AD’S office had failed. Big Blue found itself leaderless, swimming naked in the shark-infested waters of the American media … if only Jon Stewart still were around to comment.
I honestly can’t believe he’s gone … I mean, come on, man! Here’s a guy who’s among the best at what he does, appears to enjoy every minute of it and just is finding his stride. Why stop? And don’t give me any Jerry Seinfeld references or Michael Jordan analogies, as I don’t want to hear ‘em. I read the Wall Street Journal, I follow my favorite news outlets on Twitter and I closely track the business world -- and I find nothing more appealing in the news world than settling in for a good Jon Stewart rant accompanied by well-produced video and intellectually engaging writing. I can’t believe he’s gone. The final show was awesome, and I’m still hopeful this new “slower” gig of his goes over like a fart in church and he returns to on-air greatness behind that desk in a matter of time, but for now I remain a bit bitter and am trying to cope. Can you imagine the piece he could do on Michigan sports right about now? I can see it now … Jason Jones in khakis wandering around Ann Arbor looking for Touchdown Jesus. Would be priceless. Sorry, I digress.
What happens next, though, is nothing short of magical. Those same executive powers that sit in Ann Arbor’s Ivory Tower decided to aggressively recruit Jim Harbaugh as the next Head Football Coach. The Regents chose the only sane path forward – push all in on football … and do it with authority.
And on December 30, 2014, Michigan announced the hiring of its 20th Head Football Coach – James Joseph Harbaugh. Little Jimmy is coming home … Can I get a Yeeeeeeehaaaaaaaa!
Blue Nation rejoiced … the savior is coming home. Ok, relax everyone, seriously. I mean, for fuck’s sake, Ann Arborites seem more vulnerable these days than Hillary’s email server or Trump’s endorsement strategy – ok, I won’t get too far off on politics here, as there’s still so much time to watch this nightmare play out, but these two jokers both are so devoid of a moral compass that they just may have the right stuff to occupy the White House … and by the way, if either one wins, feel free to join me in the search for residential real estate in the Great White North.
Yes, we got our man … and yes, watching his introductory news conference got me fired up. This is a man who knows Michigan, who believes in Michigan football and who loves everything the University stands for from the classroom to the community to the gridiron – he watched his first game in person at the ripe age of 9 and he’s had Maize and Blue in his blood ever since – this is a man who understands that M stands for Michigan … he knows what it means to win at Michigan, and his plan is to do exactly that.
But there’s more hair on this bad boy than in the labyrinth of plumbing beneath the sororities on Hill Street (and no, I don’t want to know what’s circulating in that hot mess) … we gotta take it one step at a time. I know we have the season opener this week and I won’t stray too afar (ok, yes I will, but it’s my party so leave if you don’t like the appetizers), but our boy is back and that requires just a little bit of digging into the new regime … then we’ll get to the Utah Utes and this Thursday’s contest in Salt Lake City.
Coach Jimmy comes home …and he’s wearing khakis
As for what brought about this giant sea change, let’s just say I’m dubious it was a sudden burst of genius from within the Board of Regents. More likely, at least in this humble booster’s opinion, was that Steve Ross finally ran out of patience and picked up the Bat Phone for a direct line to Michigan’s new President, Mark Schlissel. Ross acts surprised over the new guy’s innocent ignorance with the importance of football and tells him this is the move he has to make, to trust him and that if for some reason it goes astray, he’d personally guarantee to make the effort whole financially when the dust settled. Schlissel, a Brown guy of late, understands Ross’ stature when it comes to Michigan sports and recognizes that listening to him is the right move. Bam! And that’s how it started … from there the Michigan machine went into drive mode and successfully lured Harbaugh back to Ann Arbor. Well done, Steve.
At least that’s how I’d like to think it went down … but regardless of how we got here, we’re here … Michigan football is back, and anywhere you go with Blue fans around, there’s an excitement in the air unlike anytime we can remember.
Coach Jimbo grew up in Ann Arbor, where his Dad worked for the man, the myth, the legend … Bo. Jack Harbaugh coached Defensive Backs at Michigan from 1973-1979 and raised his two boys around the game. Older-brother John was a defensive back at Miami, while Jimmy went on to become Michigan’s starting QB from 1983-1986, wrapping up his career as a Wolverine with a third-place finish in Heisman voting and a school-record 5,449 passing yards.
John went on to be the Head Coach for the Baltimore Ravens and led a remarkable turnaround that included playoff berths in six of his seven seasons and a Super Bowl title in 2012. Younger brother Jim also pursued football as a career, finding his way West, first to San Diego (where he went 7-4, 7-4, 11-1 and 11-1 as head coach for the University of San Diego Toreros) and then moved on to Palo Alto, where he won 29 of 50 games as Stanford’s Head Coach, taking over a bottom-feeder program that went 1-11 in 2006 and turning it into a BCS contender in four short years.
After winning the Orange Bowl in 2011, Harbaugh agreed to a 5-year, $25m contract to become the next head coach for the San Francisco 49ers; he took over another shitty team and led it to a 13-3 record and a NFC West Division title, the first time the 49ers had made the playoffs in ten years. The next year he made it to the Super Bowl, where he lost to big-brother John and his Ravens. Jimmy rose the ranks as a head football coach and appropriately earned high praise for his hard-nose, player-focused style, winning games and not really caring about much else.
Not surprisingly, a shit-ton of hype surrounded the hire (I mean, more Vegas money is coming in on Michigan to win the title than any other team at this early point in the pre-season … then again, 100-1 does seem a bit rich … but still, I’d feel safer flying commercial out of Jakarta than laying any coin down on Big Blue to win on the football field just yet). As for me, I welcomed the news with cautious optimism.
On the one hand, it’s Jim Harbaugh … Blue Nation has been looking for this move since Lloyd Carr went poof and left a shit-pile behind – and we were beginning to think it never would happen. There is no better choice, on paper, for the man to take Michigan football back to greatness. He was a winner when he wore the Maize and Blue, and he’s done nothing but collect W’s as a head coach – and he’s done so by changing cultures, generating an incredible amount of player goodwill and bucking the trends in favor of a more practical approach. And now he’s coming home – a phrase many in Ann Arbor thought they’d never hear.
On the other hand, let’s face it – he’s a known dick. Sorry, Jimbo … nothing personal. But word on the street suggests conflict with the powers that be in Palo Alto and then more of the same with the 49ers’ front office. Players love him and win for him … but his superiors seemingly haven’t been able to tolerate the sausage-making process. I can’t help but worry how this goes over in Ann Arbor – after all, we have an Interim AD whose future is uncertain, and a new President who thinks football is something that involves a hacky-sack and a bunch of stoned kids from East Coast prep schools.
Here’s how I see it -- there’s at least a chance he continues his winning ways and decides to become a permanent fixture on campus – given his Trump-sized ego, he may see himself as the next Bo. Could he do it? Maybe. Will he do it? Nobody knows. But here’s the thing – there’s just as much of a chance that any success in Ann Arbor serves as a springboard for him and his oversized ego to take another shot at a Super Bowl title. That risk is real … I get it … but if he goes that latter path, I have to believe he’ll at least put some time and energy into succession planning, something we haven’t seen in Ann Arbor since Bo stepped down. So I’m a net positive … cautiously optimistic. Sorry, I’m done here … back to the action on the field - Thursday is Gameday.
Team 136, Game #1 -- Michigan vs. Utah
Team 136 starts the 2015-16 campaign this Thursday night in Salt Lake City, where the Maize and Blue will take on the Utah Utes at Rice-Eccles Stadium. So settle in, put on your khakis and figure out where the fuck Utah is … it’s time for Michigan football once again!
Coach Harbaugh takes over a team that posted only five wins last season, finishing 5-7 overall (3-5 Big Ten) – without doubt one of the worst teams in the modern Michigan era. But it’s a new season with a new coach, a new NIKE contract, and a new look and feel for the Maize and Blue -- literally, as Coach Jimbo decided that his troops will return to the old for the new, and will wear 1974 throwback all-white uniforms for road games this season … and they look sweet.
The NIKE deal, by the way, doesn’t just have Michigan football wearing the swoosh as of next August, but Michigan is joining the Jordan brand and will be the first football team to wear the Jumpman. Knowing now what we know about Like Mike, perhaps he’s a better fit for Slick Nick and his Crimson Tide or Urban Fuckermeyer and his Buckin’ Fuckeyes than for Ann Arbor and the legacy of Bo … but whatever, times have changed … and if you think about the Fab Five’s street-ball approach to fashion that they brought to college hoops before the copycats followed, maybe it’s fitting that we get the Air Jordan Wolverines next season … maybe we can even get Fox to cover the pep rally (more on Rupert’s sports-broadcasting prowess below).
Team 136 arrives in Salt Lake City seeking revenge for its home loss to the Utes last September -- a game that saw Big Blue turn the ball over 4 times, looking more like Bill Murray running amok on an all-female Ghostbusters set than a Michigan football team. With a fourth-quarter lightning delay that lasted 2+ hours, Michigan folks left the building, with visiting fans holding a tight grip on the Wolverines, literally and figuratively … a sign of a forgettable season in the making.
But payback is a bitch, and Coach Jimmy will be ready to open the season as the center of attention on national television during Prime time on Fox. And in case you sports’ fans were wondering what Fox could do to glitz up its broadcast a bit … how ‘bout the Big Blue Khaki Kaboose … or, dare we say it, the “Khaki-Cam” – oy! That’s right, we got Fox for the opener, and that means glitz and glam, with some shiny lights and maybe even an animated yellow swirl with a Wolverine tip that overlays the ball on instant replays – I mean, who doesn't remember Rupert’s NHL coverage from years ago and the white flash that drove hockey fans crazy? But wait, that’s been years now, surely the home of Morning Joe has improved with its live-sports coverage since then? Um, anyone else watch the US Open earlier this summer? Can you say, “television golf coverage at its worst?” Announcers making a mockery of themselves, (I mean, looking to Greg Norman for medical commentary on players’ conditions is like asking Steve Sarkisian to comment on the importance of avoiding temptation at the open bar) technology gone wrong … looking for drama at the expense of live golf … parading scantily clad Arizona State sorority girls in front of large screens and giving them a microphone so they could pretend to be sports journalists … all culminating in a final-round, mistake-filled hot mess of live golf coverage. I know, I loved every minute of it, too! But I sure am happy golf season is over and football is back … time for Fox to do what it does best, and it starts with live coverage of Coach Jimmy and his Wolverines … fire up the bus, Rupert!
Sorry, I digress. Where were we? Right, Team 136. Now more than ever, Michigan football is about The Team … Coach knows what that means, and he’s ready to lead this group. The team … the team … the team.
And speaking of the team, Big Blue enters this game with a large handful of returning starters on both sides of the ball, but lots of new faces in the coaching ranks, new names competing for skill-position slots and a new schematic design led by a former Wolverine great. Let’s dig in and get ready to start the show.
The Michigan Offense – it certainly can’t get any worse
On the offensive side of the ball, Coach Jimbo wasted no time in choosing Tim Drevno as his Offensive Coordinator, a guy who has spent his career rising with Harbaugh, working as his Offensive Coordinator and O-Line coach at San Diego and then following Jimmy to Stanford and ultimately to the 49ers before joining USC as its O-Line Coach last season.
Coach Timmy brings a run-first mentality and wants an O-Line that imposes its will no matter the opponent … his San Diego offense finished top ten nationally in total yards each season he was there, and his Stanford O-Line was one of the nation’s best. In 2012, all five of his 49er O-Line starters played in the Pro Bowl. Damn, Bookman! We need some of that home cookin’ in Ann Arbor! I know, some folks are saying Drevno lacks experience in the Offensive Coordinator role at a big-time program, and that Harbaugh will keep control when it comes to play-calling and other offensive schematics … whatever it takes, I like this hire and am cautiously optimistic that we see drastic improvement in our O-Line, which will lead the way for a stronger offense and more points, meaning more W’s … bring it home, Timmy!
As for the skill-position players, first and foremost Big Blue will have a new leader under center. Gone are the days of turning Wide Receivers into QBs (we can thank Brady Hoke for that terrible idea, as Devin Gardner disappointed in nearly every game he started under center), as a Michigan QB now runs the show, and he knows what it takes to succeed in the role. It’s currently a foot race between two Michigan guys and a transfer, with UM junior Shane Morris finally ready to assume the starting role, being healthily challenged by true-frosh Alex Malzone, and Iowa transfer Jake Rudock hanging in the mix as a seasoned Big Ten starter having played two seasons for the Hawkeyes and fleeing for Ann Arbor because of Coach Jimbo’s natural charm. Inside sources say its Morris’ job to lose; however this unfolds, the QB situation can’t get any worse than it’s been of late.
The receiving corps is generally young and mostly inexperienced, with UM’s 2,042 receiving yards last year the second fewest in the last 25 years – only three TDs came from receivers not named Devin Funchess (who had a blowout Game 1 performance and then fizzled and fought injuries the rest of the way) … and that’s gross. Amara Darboh was the only other receiver of note, finishing with 36 catches for 473 yards, and he looks to be the anchor this year (yikes!) … Sweet Jesus, let’s hope someone emerges out of the blue this year, as this is a position with potential on the bench and wide open for a leader to emerge through the fog.
And the running-back story isn’t much better. 2013 was one of the worst rushing seasons in modern Michigan history, and 2014 saw only slight improvement. Big Blue carried the ball just 425 times last season (the lowest since a 9-game 1963 season) for less than 2,000 yards and just 17 TDs. Before pre-season camp began, Michigan RB Coach Tyrone Wheatley frequently referred to his group as a “work in progress” – a former Michigan RB great himself, Tyrone knows what he needs to succeed, and it’s a wide-open landscape with lots of questions marks. UM needs production from a group that includes juniors Derrick Green and De’Veon Smith, and USC transfer Ty Isaac; Drake Johnson, still recovering from a torn knee ligament suffered in last year’s OSU game, also will be part of the mix once he is back in action. Isaac is perhaps the most interesting ingredient here because of his newness – he’s got size (6’3”), speed and power … but he’s unproven in a Maize and Blue uniform. Michigan hasn’t had a consistent threat at RB since all-time leading rusher Mike Hart, whose last season was in 2007 – gah-rosssssss! Let’s just say we’re hopeful that the starting QB has a good arm and uses it effectively.
And we can’t castrate the offense of late without a notable mention to the O-Line … yup, the group that has given the NFL players such as Jon Runyan, John Elliot and Taylor Lewan has shit the bed of late, rightfully taking most of the blame for Michigan’s woeful running game and lack of QB protection. But again, Coach Timmy is on the job and we expect vast improvement here, hopefully starting Thursday night in Utah.
The Michigan Defense – the lone bright spot on the field
The Michigan D has been one of the only bright spots of late, due in part to solid talent suiting up in pads and in part to the work of Greg Mattison, former Defensive Coordinator for Big Blue who took over one of the worst defenses in college football and turned it into a top 20 unit.
Last year’s unit ranked 10th in the country in total defense, and 8 of the 11 starters return for this campaign – cornerback Jabrill Peppers is the one to watch – one of the country’s top recruits in 2014, Peppers missed most of last season due to injury, but he’s back and ready to make an immediate impact). Of the three departing, only Jake Ryan will be tough to replace.
And even there, linebacker is a core Michigan strength and fortunately always is among of the deepest positions on the squad.
Greg Mattison did some good things for the program, and for that reason Coach Jimmy named him Linebackers Coach for Team 136, keeping him in the system in part for his substantive contributions and in part to serve as mentor for Jimbo’s boy from down South. Yes, thanks to that oversized ego and control-freak personality, Harbaugh needed his own guy in as Defensive Coordinator, and he turned to DJ Durkin to play the role – Durkin was Coach Jimbo’s Defensive Assistant at Stanford and then went on to become the Defensive Coordinator at Florida for the last two seasons, leading consecutive top-10 units in total defense.
At 36, DJ is young and still somewhat inexperienced, but has a passion for using big linebackers to stop the run -- a good fit for the Maize and Blue. Harbaugh wants his guy running the show, but was smart enough to pair him with an established recruiter and mentor in Mattison, and the result could turn Durkin into Ann Arbor’s next great Defensive Coordinator.
The Utah Utes – a program on the rise
Coach Kyle Willingham finished last season an impressive 9-4 (5-4 Pac-12), the Utes best season ever as a member of the Pac-12, winning 9 games for the first time since 2010. Last season saw impressive road victories at UCLA and Stanford (and, oh yeah, at the Big House too), but a home loss to Washington State hurt, and the beatings from Oregon and Arizona indicate there is still plenty of room to improve upon a foundation that’s as strong as ever.
On the offensive side of the ball, the quarterback position has been a roller coaster of late, with Travis Wilson back under center and with some confidence, coming off a Las Vegas Bowl victory over Colorado State that saw him go 17-26 for 158 yards and a TD to lead the #23 Utes to victory.
RB Devontae Booker was a big discovery back in 2014 as a Ju-co transfer … he’s become a consistent force, and his 1,512 yards last season fell just short of a Utah single-season record . Kenneth Scott will lead the receiving corps, coming off 48 catches and 4 TDs last season, including an OT game-winning catch against Stanford.
Yet the Utes have cause for concern heading into this year’s campaign, as its two primary coordinators left in the offseason (and they replaced one with a retired 74-year-old!) and the defense remains fragile after multiple injuries last season. The program is improving and a home opener with a big name like Harbaugh will have the fans psyched and ready to kick some ass, Mormon style. But the Utes are beatable at home, posting a 3-3 record in Salt Lake City last season, and Coach Harbaugh has no intention of losing his first time out as the UM BMOC. It’s a close one to start the season, but Michigan finds a way to cross the finish line first, and we’re off an running for a promising campaign!
The early prediction is now in … Michigan 28 – Utah 20
Go Blue!